Right now, the sweetest little five year old I know is curled up next to me sound asleep, her head resting on one of my fancier pillows (which she and I refer to as princess pillows...it makes life fancier!). Clearly, I speak of my sweet niece, Alexia. She's my little princess and right now is certainly a sleeping beauty! This was not a planned sleepover - they rarely are. Usually it is a spur of the moment decision on her part, okayed by me. That is the case tonight.
What tends to happen when my niece sleeps over is that she will head into the guest room, as if that is where she will sleep. She does not last long before she scurries into my room and snuggles up with me. Tonight was no different. She went in and I tucked her in, plugged the nightlight in and turned off the light. I slipped downstairs to turn up the thermostat from "I can bundle up when I'm here by myself" to "there's a youngun' in the house." When I was halfway back up the stairs I heard my niece calling to me. Sidenote: She calls me Anna Christine instead of Aunt Christine, which sounds so sweet and beautiful when she says it. She knows how to say aunt, but has just chosen to say my name this way. And I love it.
As I walked back into the guestroom, she had (as predicted) hopped out of bed. She was standing in front of the window - the windows were just replaced yesterday and I have not put the blinds and curtain back up yet - and staring outside. With awe and joy, in a different tone than I've ever heard from her, she said, "Anna Christine!!! FIREFLIES!!! LOOK!!!" I look out the window and see, across the common area, a tree in someone's backyard that is strung with white Christmas lights that twinkle. She was so excited, and so sure, as she pointed it out that even though I knew what they were, I almost believed that they were indeed fireflies.
In that moment I could have easily corrected her. But why? I love that in her five year old mind, a huge flock (I know that's not the word...but swarm does not paint a pretty picture) of lightening bugs could appear and sparkle brilliantly on a freezing winter night. I love that she was awestruck by it all. If my life was a movie, you surely would have heard some Owl City playing in the background at this point.
Tonight I pray for a return to innocence. Tonight I ask God to peel back in me the sadness, anger, anguish that renders me unable to believe that He will do something that will awe me. I mean BIG TIME awe. He surprises me in little ways but I think sometimes I've come to believe that's all I'll get. I pray tonight for the belief that my God is big enough to bring fireflies into my life in the dead of winter.
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